Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Watching a Mother’s loss.

Watching a Mother’s loss.
Recently my 18 yr. old step sister passed away from complications due to chemotherapy. She was in remission and going home was just in her grasp, but God wanted her home with him instead.  Left at home are broken hearts and tear filled eyes. The hardest has been watching another mother, my step-mother live with this loss.
Now that I am a mother I could not imagine the grief that has overtaken this woman I once knew. Every thought is interrupted by a memory, a question, and an angry, internal shout to the world.  Just as life does it goes on, for everyone else. For her though how will life move forward? There is no getting over this grief, there is never a day she won’t miss her daughter. It will be learning to live with the loss but how?
I look at her and you can see the grief in her appearance. Her eyes have changed, they look miles away. You can see that her thoughts are deep and that she has spent some of the day crying. Her smile, I miss her smile. The smile she gives now is broken and you can tell she is missing something in her life. I wanted to write this because last night I couldn’t get over how much hurt I have for her, how much I wish I could give her daughter to her. I believe in God and heaven and that Taylor is in a better place and I know she does too. However, no matter how many times you say that you know it’s halfhearted. We are human and it is hard to be anything but that. She wants her daughter here, she wants to hear her voice, she wants to hug her and touch her warm skin.  No matter how well God takes care of us in heaven it doesn’t change the grief or the yearning to have her here.  Letting go and allowing God to be the main caregiver is probably the hardest part. To take solace in the Word is difficult when your heart is consumed with grief.
Does anyone have advice for a mother who has lost a child? I’m curious about ways I can help my stepmother.