it is easy to stumble if you wear the wrong shoes

The weekend was a diet disaster. I don’t need to elaborate on it. I will tell you it included a foot long chili dog and onion chips from our local root beer stand.

I started typing this huge vent session. I have been in this mood where anything could send me into a 30 minute sob session. Have you ever had a week like this?

My mom at the last minute cancelled as my sitter and it was too late to get someone new. So I missed out on the pig roast that I was going to go hang out with my 2 aunts and cousin. Then my sister painted my nails (which I bite, so they are stubby and uneven) they looked horrible. The whole time I had the hot knot in my throat, feeling like I was going to cry. Over stubby purple finger nails? This is the week I have been having!

After proofing my little rant I felt stupid. Everything that I am complaining about (living at home, my son’s father, not having enough money to get up and make something out of my life, my ugly nails) is all a direct result of the choices I have made. I need to really remember that every time I start getting upset with the way my life is.

I can pull myself together and I am. I just finished my summer class I was taking online. At the end of August I start my full schedule of school. Those are all positive changes I am making so that my life can be better. Unless I am going to invent a time machine the changes I want aren’t just going to happen over night. This is a marathon and I have to log the hours in order to get to where I want to go.

Hopefully once school rolls around I will be too busy to care about having a “me night” and more concerned with a “me nap”.

It is easy to stumble if you wear the wrong shoes. I must change the way I think and perhaps I won’t be as stressed as I am! I think the wise Patti (therapist) told me that the first time I went there.

**On a happy note**

Tonight my sister and I are going to see Florence and the Machine which is one of my favorite bands! Heidi and I both love them and we are so excited to see her live! She has a lovely voice!

The Cave in Caveman

I’m failing miserably on my blogging everyday about this diet. I know my many avid readers are very disappointed. Haha! (Sarcastic laugh)

Let me give you a quick run down. It hasn’t been a total failure but, I’ve already encountered some struggle on days 2 & 3.

Wednesday, I made spaghetti using spaghetti squash as a healthy substitute for noodles. It was delicious! The squash is bland enough that there isn’t an overwhelming taste besides the sauce and meat. Which essentially isn’t that what noodles are too? They don’t have a lot of taste!

Here is where the cave in caveman comes into play. My sister so graciously brought over an ice cream cake from DQ. Now I love ice cream but I LOVE that fudgy, crunchy middle that the cakes have! I chugged a bottle of water with hopes it would make me feel ill and I’d no longer want that sweet indulgence. Didn’t work, so I said to myself “one bite isn’t going to kill me”. I took one bite and then I put the spoon down and I was satisfied!

I’m pretty sure I have my days messed up. I made the stir-fry Monday but blogged about it Tuesday. So Tuesday I had the spaghetti and last night I had a huge bowl of green beans and a tiny piece of boneless chicken.

Cave Alert. After my huge bowl of green beans and chicken I was satisfied. My sister went with me to the local pool to take Maximus for a swim to beat the humidity. At the pool they have the best hotdogs ever. They are all beef; they put them on this spinning roster and yum. I know because I used to work there and that was my choice of lunch all summer. So we go to the stand and I’m looking for the Paleo section, it wasn’t there! So I opted for the most logical choice, parts of meat jammed into a tube! It was divine!

I’m back on track today and I won’t allow myself to cave. I’ve had one too many bumps thus far. I’d like to think though if the cavemen had a choice of meat, fruits, veggies and, nuts vs. fudgy crunch DQ ice cream cake they would hands down go with the cake every time!

I don’t think I could be 100% Paleo obviously if I am struggling on day 2. However, I have already shed 2 pounds! I think cutting out a majority of my sugar and carb intake is doing me well!

I have been working out a lot too. Lots of little stuff and I must say that sitting down to pee this morning was a struggle. Squats kill people! Tonight I am attending a class with a friend that invited me. It is circuit training I guess. We will see how this goes.

***On a life note, Farmer’s out, he “thinks we can work out he just isn’t sure what his aggravation with me is lately.” And then on our way to a date he proceeded to tell me the night I had my son over and he was having some trouble going to sleep “annoyed him”. Ouch! So….there goes my farm wife dream. Haha! Sometimes I don’t think men think when they speak. I get that my son was being fussy but, he is one! It gets on my nerves some nights too but holy cow to just come right out and say that?***

30 Day Fitness Challenge

30 Day Fitness Challenge

Yesterday was Day 1 of my 30 Day Fitness Challenge. The rules of the challenge are as followed:

·      30 Days following the Paleo Diet

·      30 Days working out

·      30 Days blogging my experience

I have a close friend in Florida who is also participating in the Paleo Diet. If you are curious about the diet check out NerdFitness.com.

Yesterday I woke up early which for me is a good start because usually I’m hitting snooze (which I’ve set for 5 minutes only) like an old woman hitting the buttons on a slot machine in Vegas. I’ll lay there forever until I finally have to get up.

For breakfast I had an egg inside a green pepper ring. I also had a banana and a bottle of water. Eating a whole banana is impossible for me; they just can be too much sometimes.

I was super busy at work so I worked through my lunch and did not eat. I did eat celery with almond butter as soon as I got home. Yum!

For dinner I made chicken stir-fry that was steamed in water. I added lemon zest and garlic. I added a lot of garlic because although I brushed my teeth a few times last night and once this morning, I still taste the garlic. Lucky co-workers who have to talk to me today haha!

For my working out part I have decided that there is no reason for me not to participate in an activity everyday that raises my heart rate. Yesterday I pushed Max to my grandparent’s house and we moved a reasonable pace and I got a pretty good sweat going on. I also did a few ab workouts when I got home later that evening.

I think I am going to struggle the most with working out because it bores me. I need to make it part of my life and not just something that I have to do. Tonight I am going to try and workout hard!

I did take a before photo that I will post tomorrow. If you don’t want to see it then skip tomorrows post haha. I’d suggest skipping.

Wish me luck!

Footloose & Fancy Free Movie Theater

Footloose & Fancy Free Fridays

The movies.

As promised I would write about something upbeat on Fridays. Sadly, I woke up to the news this morning about the terrible shooting at a movie theater. The world we live in today is utterly scary!

However, it did make me think of all the good times I have had going to the theaters and how much a theater really means to American citizens. It is a place to take the family or maybe take someone special on a first date. Maybe someone has their first kiss from that scared teenage boy with the sweaty palms! A theater is a place full of memories not just movies. So I decided to highlight some of my favorite memories.

• I remember my mom taking us with my aunt and cousins to see Titanic. My mom loves Jr. Mints and a few fell in her lap and in between her legs. When we left she had a huge stain that almost looked like she bled through haha. Gross! Hilarious though because we didn’t see it till we got to the car and my mom was cracking up at what everyone probably thought looking at her pants!
• My first kind of date as a kid. We went with family friends to see the movie Andre (about the seal, good flick) I sat next to the son who was a year older than me and he held my hand J
• My first solo movie without my parents I was in 7^th grade and I can’t even remember what movie we went to see. I just remember my dad drove us and he is really goofy and as soon as the guys got in the car he said “Woot Woot! Put your hands in the air and wave them like you just don’t care”. Haha I was mortified but that’s my dad, always trying to get a laugh! He was successful and the guys all thought he was hilarious.
• My ex husband took me on our first date to a movie and left me in there to answer his cell phone. Should’ve been a red flag right there haha. I guess I was too into Sleepy Hollow to care!
• Going to see Jackass’s newest movie with my best friend who has a stomach weaker than mine (not sure why we thought this was a good idea?) Gagging to the point of almost puking but laughing so hard our bellies hurt.
• Making it a tradition to see every Austin Powers movie with my dad and siblings because we thought they were hilarious.
• Multiple embarrassing moments when my mom turned around to yell at people making too much noise in a theater. Haha! Even though I was glad she did!

I remember being younger and so excited to go to the movies. We used to travel out of town to the theater in Maumee because it was huge and very nice! Now the movies aren’t that big of a deal to me although I still occasionally like going. I am very excited though for the day I take Max to see his first movie. I hope he has many good memories of the movie theater just as I do and I hope he always remembers the first time I took him to see one! Does anyone else have fond memories of going to the movies?

In my life I love you more

I have been listening to a lot of Beatles today. Particularly I have been replaying the song…

In My Life

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Although I have heard this song countless times and I know the lyrics by heart it seemed the message really struck me today. I mourn over the past and I seem to struggle with allowing myself to let it go. However, to me I guess this song basically says that at one point in time you have loved all these people. Whether its friends you have feuded with or lovers you have lost. At one point in time you loved them all and your love for them was real. I like this song because now being a mother I think of my son when it comes to the part where it says…

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

I am sure he didn’t mean it the way I am taking it but, I believe that is the beauty of music. Music is meant for the listener to enjoy and interrupt the way they see fit. When I think of how much I love my son it is very obvious to me I have never loved a friend nor a lover as much as I love my child. Although I am still friends with some people and perhaps I occasionally (more times than not) cling to old memories of relationships nothing will come close to the love I have for Max. After thinking this I saw a glimmer of hope for my future thoughts. I can’t be upset with what I have had and what I have lost. It is life and it happens. I think I have wonderful friends now who I share a very real bond with and as far as a partner... well if he is out there then I think it will happen when it should. I can’t keep moping around and feeding my depression with thoughts of the past. It was good when it was good and that is nice. It is the past. The one thing that will always be constant is the love I have and receive from my child. I have a son who runs to me when I get home from work. I have my little guy to cuddle with and watch Bubble Guppies. I have someone to kiss goodnight for as long as he will let me! I am beyond thankful for that! In my life I love you more, Maximus James.

Sore Throats & Sunsets

I came down with Strep Throat. Boo hoo! I am pretty sure I picked this little bug up from my Farmer friend. He accepts full responsibility for my illness although I think he is getting tired of my complaints. Haha! I can’t help it though, I am miserable. Nothing is worse than a sore throat in my opinion. His roommate just had Strep and I’m sure he has heard enough complaining to last him for awhile. I really think I’d rather have the flu or be sneezing and coughing. This just hurts and it hurts all the time!

Love Life Update 

I really like the Farmer and I am thinking I might want to make it official….dare I even say Facebook official. Haha! He is just very sweet! He is relaxed and maybe even a mind reader. I was thinking yesterday that we haven’t actually gone out on a date since the last one we went on which was a few weeks ago. I was beginning to think that I would like someone who actually enjoys taking me out every once in awhile because it is nice to be wined and dined! Then I thought maybe this was a very selfish thought considering the fact I am expecting him to spend his money on me! Just then he sent me a text message saying that he just realized we hadn’t been out in awhile and he really wanted to take me to dinner and a movie. Weird right?!?! I appreciate though that he thinks of that and it makes me smile!

Last night with him is what sent me over the moon! I went over to snap a few pictures on the farm because I am loving my new camera. After he did some work with friends he asked me “want to take a ride on my big green tractor?” Which of course was a fun play off the Kenny Chesney song! He helped me up and instructed me on where to sit. I held on as we chugged down the road to pick up a wagon of hay for the steers. The sun was setting just behind the corn fields and it reminded me of how much I actually do enjoy living in Ohio. I think the country is very pretty especially at dusk. At that moment I was very content and I enjoyed my view both of the setting sun and a very handsome man in a cut off shirt dirty from a hard days work! It made me smile from ear to ear. I wouldn’t mind that being my everyday life. Of course I don’t want to jump too far ahead seeing as this isn’t even an official thing yet!

It’s only been a few months since I’ve been split from my ex and I feel like jumping into a new relationship now might be a bit hasty. The Farmer is ready and I am ready too but this one little minor detail of time in between these relationships is keeping me held up. I guess there are also a few other reasons as well but nothing to do with the Farmer. It is just me and my own stupidity I guess.

Once I get my pictures from the farm I’ll post!

Enjoy your Thursday!

Weekend Photo Shoot

My new camera came in. I'm in love.

Thought I'd post some pictures from this weekend.



Maverick and Max.



Mira & Mav



Mira

Maximus

Maximus James

Max & Mira

Summer To Do's

I’ve got the itch.

I’m starting to get the itch to do some summer stuff. I made a list a month or so ago in hopes I’d begin completing them and sadly I think I might have crossed off one.

So I decided to blog it and perhaps this would give me a push to start doing this stuff so I can later post about it J

Summer To Do's

Kayak @ Put-in-Bay

Indians Game with friends

Lollapalooza 2012

Warrior Dash

Christmas in July @ Put-in-Bay

Camp

Karoke w/ Sam

Go Dancing

Build a sand castle @ the beach

Go for a bike ride

Visit a tourist spot near my hometown

Water gun fight

Go hiking

Flea Market

Cedar Point

Go to the zoo

Boating

Water ballooon fight

Drive in

Comedy Club

Attend concerts

Winery

Jet ski

Paint outside w/ Max

BBQ with friends

Greek stand w/ Emily

See a local band

Girls pizza night

I think there should be more but I can't think, any ideas?

Weekend

My weekend turned out well! Friday I got most of my place moved out and all moved in at home. (Eye roll) Still not thrilled about moving home but, it is for the best right now!

Saturday….Saturday! The Farmer invited my son and I to a party. He had his daughter so I thought it would be nice. It was so hot! I wore skinny capris and a cute strapless summer top. I guess I thought I would do okay in the skinnys. I was wrong! I was miserable! Then we get there and I think the Farmer tends to be a bit socially awkward as in I felt like he was ignoring me. Haha! He introduced me and then kind of just did his own thing while I kept an eye on the kiddies. I didn’t feel too upset over this however, I am not sure I was thrilled with it either. I think he sensed that and shortly after mingling a bit he joined my side at chasing around the kids. There was this lab at the party that loved my son…let me stress love. This darn dog would not leave Max alone, licking him and getting all excited. So when you’re just dating someone the horned up dog following your kid and you around makes for an embarrassing situation. Haha! I checked Max’s diaper and nothing. I do not know what it was but this dog wanted my son! So finally Max and I couldn’t take it so I decided to sit down at a table in hopes this pup would find someone else to pursue. Nope! He just sat there red rocket out and all just dying to lick my son. So I try giving this dog a forceful push away that was enough that he knew I meant business but, not enough that I had people calling PETA on me. The dog didn’t get it. Finally, this old man I think could sense my desperation and got up and shoo’d the dog away. Keeping a 1 year old still on your lap is a task. Max was moving all over and I tried keeping him content there. I see this old woman looking over with this look on her face…I wanted to say “What old woman, as if my day isn’t embarrassing enough you have to eye me down?” I understood the odd expression on her face when I looked down and quickly realized all the squirming Max had done pulled my strapless shirt down exposing my bra. (I wanted to pull a Homer Simpson “D’OH”!) . I adjusted my shirt and tried to act as if nothing happened. I was playing with the kids and getting the Farmers daughter some Teddy Grahams of Max’s when I hear from an old man voice “No…NO dog.” I turn around and sure enough that darn dog was about on top of Max. I quickly swooped Max up and shoved that dirty dog away! I had enough. I tried to not seem annoyed but, I was. He wasn’t ready to leave and so he gave me his keys and I drove his big diesel truck home. It was too hot for me and it was getting too hot for Max. I put Max to bed at my moms and returned to the party to pick up the Farmer and his daughter.

Sunday made things a lot better. It was still so hot out but this time I dressed appropriately. The Farmer met us at my aunts after dropping his daughter off. I wore a white tank top that conveniently I spilled red punch down the front of. Thankfully, my little cousin still lives at home and quickly supplied me with a new navy tank top! It stormed. I am petrified of storms but tried to keep it together so the Farmer wouldn’t think I was a sis. After visiting with my family we went to my dads and spent the rest of the evening there. Everyone in my family seems to get a long with the Farmer well. The wood for the campfire we were supposed to have got wet from the rain and my dad couldn’t get anything but smoke. After awhile the Farmer whispered that he could probably start the fire but, he didn’t want to make my dad feel bad. Haha! I encouraged him to try since everyone really wanted a campfire. He rearranged the wood and got some grass clippings my dad had in a bin and some paper and he started it right up. I was impressed. I think I like a mans’ man and he seems like he is one! I suppose I could overlook Saturdays social faux pas. We all sat and watched the fireworks together in the backyard. My close girlfriend stopped over and we played a silly game that her and her sister played when they were younger. Max did well and didn’t cry although he looked a bit worried I think from the noise. I enjoyed seeing my son watch the fireworks and sit in the chair like a big kid. It made me realize just how fast he is growing up : (

All in all the weekend was great and I was pleased!




Bubbie watching the fireworks!