Winning Lotto Ticket Please?

Irresponsibly Spending.

Talk about Stress City, I have a tendency to irresponsibly spend money, which along with my other bad habits (biting my nails, picking my split ends, and forgetting to floss daily.) this ranks as the worse. I just need to vent on my own stupidity. I carelessly place wants before needs and justify it by turning my want into a reasonable need in my own mind. This month I decided without consulting my landlord or lease agreement that I had paid my 1^st and last month rent so therefore rent this month was not due. I was wrong! Should’ve checked up on that one……might have been the smart thing to do! I never claimed to be smart though :) Instead of saving up I spent and truthfully I do not know on what…I have nothing to show, I didn’t get new clothes or sneakers. I didn’t buy a ton of groceries and I didn’t hit the town buying a ton of food and drinks. So it leads me to believe that this was theft…someone broke into my purse at night and spent money on useless items that I can’t explain on my bank statement.

I need someone to budget for me. Only a few more weeks and I will safely be returning to my mothers nest. Starting school and losing my boyfriend (although he didn’t contribute much) has been a real burden on my pocket book. You take peoples kindness for granted. For example, my ex’s parents bought diapers usually for our son. They have a membership to Sam’s and when they would go they picked up the huge box of diapers and the huge thing of wipes. When they didn’t do this…Daddy of the Year would. So he would drop a few extra bucks from his large pay check and we would be set on diapers for awhile. This act of generosity allowed him to skip on helping with anything else because he bought in his mind 200 dollars worth of diapers. (Ha) Now that they have left the picture it’s on my shoulders to foot this bill. Diapers are expensive and since I do not have a membership at Sam’s I’m buying them more frequently. At this point I need to borrow a diaper to place under my eyes to soak up my tears. I’m tired of being broke and I’m tired of not being able to provide for myself. So today I have been on my “can I please borrow” kick. I hit up every available option, my mom, grandma, cousin who is in stinking high school! I need to pay my rent and my electric; I need to pay my phone which I stupidly racked up a huge bill for not paying attention to my texting habit to friends without Verizon! This all sounds like a personal problem…and it is! This is my fault. If I would’ve saved correctly I would have the money I need and not be asking for help. I am looking forward to moving back in with my mom. I can save money and I intend on doing so. I am extremely tired of being broke and irresponsible. I am 25 and a mom, I believe it is time to grow up! Money is a stressor for a lot of people…not just 25 year old single mothers. I have friends who hurt, family members who hurt and I know there are lines and lines at the county health department of people seeking help. I just know that if I were to be smarter with my choices that I would not be hurting as bad as I do. This upsets me that it is my fault and even writing this out infuriates me. So from here on out I vow to be much better with my spending habits.

Usually when I am hurting for money my thoughts turn to the lottery. How thrilling to win the lottery? I always have these “What would I spend my money on?” conversations with myself in my head. So I decided to have one with all my many followers (Ha) out loud.

You just won the lottery now what?

• -         I would secretly collect my winnings.
• -         I’d hire someone to help me manage my money.
• -         I would deposit a large amount of money anonymously into my parents & grandparents accounts. (I would love my grandma to get her bank statement and panic thinking there was a mistake only to be told that someone generously made a large deposit.)
• -         After surprising my family members I would then let everyone know that I did win.
• -         I would take my close girlfriends and family members on a trip to New York to splurge a bit on clothes.
• -         I’d send my parents on a vacation as well as my grandparents.
• -         I’d donate money to my siblings.
• -         Then I’d buy a huge piece of land and proceed to build homes for my family members and close friends. Not mansions or anything but reasonable homes. (I’d call our subdivision something silly to do with trees since Emily and her father made notice that most subdivision affectionately posses some goofy name dealing with nature. So perhaps our subdivision would be “While My Willow Gently Weeps” to pay homage to the Beatles. That made me giggle out loud)
• -         After my huge build, I’d take it easy. No use in spending millions irresponsibly like I do with my pennies.
• -         Perhaps I’d start a restaurant here in town. Ralph & Elsie’s after my grandparents. Serve up some good home cooking to the public. Complete with my grandma’s recipe for home fries. Yum!
• -         I’d also make sure that my family and my son and his future offspring were well taken care of. Shoot the Powerball is 240 million right now. With all that money this all seems possible.

Truth be told I have a better chance at getting struck by lightening, and the way I’ve been living my life…I’m banking on the lightening before the lotto. Either way it is fun to dream about winning big. Who doesn’t when the lotto gets this high?