Worrying Fans

Worry.

A favorite Bible verse of mine is Philippians 4:6-7

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. ⁷ Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I love that in the good word God gives us the option to let go of worry. Instead of worrying give your worries to God and allow him to bear the load. This is much easier said than done though. It is nice to know that I can pray and I can hand my problems to God but, trusting is the hard part.

Recently, my son has developed a limp. Back in May on Mother’s Day my grandma made mention of it and I chalked it up as him playing in the grass and the ground was uneven. On Father’s Day ironically enough my other grandma asked me if I thought Max was limping, this time though he was in the living room. After watching him closely I could now see the slight limp that was obvious to my grandmothers. Since that day the limp seems to be getting worse. Last Saturday when he got out of bed he couldn’t stand on it and almost fell and continued to limp. I took him to the hospital in hopes that maybe they would be able to explain this limp. They did x-rays and those all came out great. They can’t explain his limp and suggested I follow up with my Dr. to see if they would like to send him to get more test.

More test… this is where I swallow hard and try not to throw up or cry. When my son was born he was big and healthy. He immediately held his head up and I was a proud momma. I have a strong guy! Now seeing my little bug limp: ( I just want to hold him and never put him down. I noticed he is tripping a lot more as well. Of course the internet is full of the worst case scenario but, being the worry wart I am that is all I can focus on.  I want answers or I want it to go away. My friend has a son who was born with a heart problem. He has had multiple surgeries; life flighted, the whole 9 yards. I always think to myself “I couldn’t imagine being her.” Not that my son is ill but the worry I have now has to be her life non-stop and I still keep thinking “I couldn’t imagine being her.”  I don’t want this to be a symptom of an underlying problem. Our town currently has a stigma of have a cancer cluster, I don’t want that to be it. I don’t want a brain problem or anything. I just want my son to be healthy always. The sniffles…a cough…a slight fever…I can deal with that. An unexplained limp that keeps getting worse…I can’t handle that. So I will try to give my worry to God but I know I will worry myself sick until I have an answer.

Needless to say I find myself wanting God when a storm comes. I am too self-absorbed to remember prayer every night when life is good and I am too tired to wake up on Sunday morning when I just had a blast out the night before. Now I’m worried and I am fearful and now I want God to help. I want to give my worry to God to find peace. Although I know my God doesn’t stop loving me it’s obvious to me that I am more of a fan of Jesus Christ than a follower. I need to be a follower.